Remus J Lupin's Diary
by ScreamingFlower
Summary: The results of watching Bridget Jones before writing slashfic, read at your own risk! RL/SB RL/SS


January 1st 11:31am Yeesh. hangover. ouch. Woke up this morning having  
drunk myself under the table. Realised this when knocked self out on said  
table.  
Which is why, on the first day of the new year I am sprawled all over  
the Potter's couch being mothered with cold flannels by Lily and wondering  
why Peter and Skye just walked past randomly singing 'Jean Genie' at me.  
And why am I shedding pink glitter? If anyone tells me I should start the  
new year how I mean to go on, I may scream.  
11:55am Ack. James waving his arse suggestively while singing 'New York's a  
go-go and everything tastes nice.' He then deposited Harry on top of me who  
decided to find out how nice I taste while biting my ear off. He's going to  
grow up just like his godfather.  
12:03am Asked Lily why even she was humming Jean Genie. Found out. She has  
never been one to mince her words. Apparently at the party last night I  
refused to get up and sing karaoke. Sirius, cunning marauder that he still  
is, (pah!) fed me alcohol in order to lower my inhibitions. I ended up in  
glitter eye make-up and one of Lily's dresses, lap dancing to Jean Genie.  
Am now torn between joining the Death Eaters out of embarrassment, (at  
least they get to wear a mask!) or carrying out revenge on Padfoot and then  
joining the Death Eaters as will have used at least two unforgivable curses  
and will be on the run.  
I'm going to kill Sirius. I'm going to drown him, hang him, draw and  
quarter him, crucio him, bury him alive, burn him at the stake and THEN  
kill him. I'm a wizard, I'll find a way to keep him conscious throughout.  
Just you wait Sirius I'm going to  
3:56pm I'm sure I would have. Supposing, of course, that I could have  
gotten up without passing out. Was trying to compromise by moving into  
slightly vertical position on the couch when He-who-must-be-AKed came in,  
threw open the curtains and in his best 'good morning campers' voice said,  
"Rise and shine Moony baby!"  
I screeched something along the lines of "The light! The light it burns!!"  
and tried to fizzle into a pile of ash on the floor. That would show  
Sirius. Failed to fizzle into a pile of ash and settled for glaring at him.  
"I hate you."  
"No you don't. Well you obviously didn't last night," he flashed that  
infuriatingly sexy infuriating grin at me and sat on the couch, squashing  
my feet in the process.  
"Oww! Bastard."  
"You love me really."  
"Don't."  
"If you don't, that was quite a pretence you put on for me last night!"  
Sirius started to wiggle and sing. "Remus Lupin lives on his back! Remus  
Lupin loves Sirius Black! He's outrageous, he screams and he moans, Remus  
Lupin, let yourself go, oh oh!"  
I don't know why I did it. Gah. Something about Sirius singing Bowie just  
gets to me. I kissed him, getting pink glitter all over the guy in the  
process, and, surprise surprise, passing out. Was carried back to  
apartment, where, thankfully, I am now in my own bed and have decided to  
make use of time by making resolutions. Thank the gods they're only  
enforceable on the 2nd on January.  
My New Year's resolutions  
I will not pass out or faint in any way, shape or form. I am NOT girly.  
Pout, sulk, flounce.  
In keeping with above resolution, I will limit my trips to Madame Pomfrey  
and show that I am a capable Order member who does not get cursed every  
mission we undertake.  
I will make it absolutely clear that I do not tolerate being rescued.  
I will not drink so much that I pass out, or do suggestive things to  
Sirius. In public anyway.  
I will do all paperwork BEFORE Order Of The Phoenix meetings, instead of  
during.  
I will not harbour inappropriate thought about other Order members, apart  
from Sirius.  
I will only harbour inappropriate thoughts about Sirius if he gives up this  
'free love' crap. He's no hippy, he just wants to be guilt free about  
fucking everybody.  
I will create a happy and healthy relationship with the commitment-phobic  
disorganized, slobbish, lewd animagus that I have for a roommate.  
I will not be paranoid about the Orwellian chaos the year 1984 seems to  
promise, and will become calm, laid back ice-queen king in order to attract  
certain animagus.  
I WILL NOT BE GIRLY!  
I will no longer fantasise about eating whole goats around the full moon,  
and control my animalistic tendencies.  
I will cure my addictions to alcohol, Sirius, carbohydrates, coffee and  
cigarettes.  
Yeah.sure, sure I will.  
7:00pm Told Sirius about my decision to cut down on my alcohol intake. And  
my Sirius.um...intake. He told me that the best way to get rid of  
temptation was to remove it, and has come back from our kitchen with two  
bottles of Cava and one bottle of Baileys Irish Cream. I will worry about  
breaking both resolutions tomorrow, as he looks decidedly dashing with  
bottles in hand. 


End file.
